Strange Words

 

After you read this , you will have read it.
    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
    2) The farm was used to produce produce.
    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
    4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time
        to present the present.
    8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
  10) I did not object to the object.
  11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
  12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
  13) They were too close to the door to close it.
  14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
  15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
  16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
  17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
  18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
  19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
  20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
  21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

  Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
  There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple
  nor pine in pineapple.
  English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in
  France.
  Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are
  meat.
  We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square
  and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

  And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers
  don't groce and hammers don't ham?
  If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

  One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?  One index,
  2  indices?
  Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not
  one amend.
  If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of
  them, what do you call it?
  If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
  If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

  In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
  Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
  Have noses that run and feet that smell?
  How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
  while a wise man  and a wise guy are opposites?
  Your house can burn up as it burns down, you fill in a form by
  filling it out and an alarm goes off by going on.
  When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are
  out, they are invisible.

  PS. Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"
         Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
         And one they missed.....
         Why do we drive on a PARKWAY, and park in a DRIVEWAY?

 

One Liners


I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.

God must love stupid people; He made so many of them.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

I Must Be a Proctologist Because I Work With A-- holes!

"Wrinkled ... Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I
Grew Up"

"Rehab ... Is for Quitters"

"Finally 21, and Legally Able to do Everything I've been
doing since I was 15"

"Arkansas: One Million People and 15 last names"

"FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the
software."

"STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"

"HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime
commitment for a pig."

"WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years."

"The trouble with life is there's no background music."

"My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He
thought he was God and I didn't!"